


my thoughts will echo your name (until i see you again)

by reshopgaypanda (echo_wolf)



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, if you squint at a certain angle you might see some blair/hannah b but not much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26966305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echo_wolf/pseuds/reshopgaypanda
Summary: Sterling Wesley spends a considerable amount of time wondering if God will ever let her get closure with April Stevens, if He's not going to let them end up together.or, the edge of reason au (for those of you who have seen this movie, it'll make sense later)
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Comments: 17
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This self-indulgent fic is my 'if netflix won't give me a s2, then i'll fucking write it myself' submission to anyone willing to read. 
> 
> I can't express in a finite sum of words how much I love TBH as a show and a universe, but hopefully this story serves as some form of a love letter from yours truly to celebrate this gem of a show.
> 
> If you can, [join the cause for saving the show ](https://twitter.com/renew_TBH)  
> Or: [sign/share the petition](http://chng.it/K6w6rrvY)
> 
> As always, the canon characters/universe are not mine, but any mistakes probably are. 
> 
> Warning: angst ahead

"Girls, just because John Stevens decided to skip bail again, doesn't mean I'll give you this one. It's too dangerous." Yolanda says with a stern look on her face. "Besides, Bowser is the one that calls the shots with your bounties. And he doesn't get back from Florida until tomorrow evening."

"But, we've caught him before!" Blair reasons, "We're practically in his head already. And I bet it's a lot of money." Blair adds with too much of a mischievous tone to be taken seriously.

"Blair, not helping!"

Yolanda takes a look at the file again and sighs, "She's not wrong. It's about fifteen grand, which is more than the last time."

Sterling scoffs, "You'd think he'd learn his lesson."

"As if." Blair frowns, "Oh, to be a cis-white male favored by Georgia's judicial system."

"A rich one, at that." Yolanda says without missing a beat, still thumbing through her file.

Sterling chimes in, "Oh! What if we did reconnaissance! We won't engage, but we'll keep an eye on him so we know his next steps."

Blair lights up at that idea, "Oh, yeah! Then when Bowser gets back, we can catch him and throw his ass in jail."

Yolanda looks between the girls before finally relenting, "Oh, alright. But just this once." She pulls the folder back before emphasizing, "Do not engage, and call if you get into trouble."

"Yes!" The girls cheer and immediately compose themselves when Yolanda raises an eyebrow at them.

Sterling clears her throat and calmly grabs the file from Yolanda, "Yes, ma'am." Then follows up with "Yaaay, stakeout!"

Blair practically drags Sterling out to the car before Yolanda can change her mind.

Climbing into the car, Blair doesn't immediately key the ignition. "I know I asked this last time, but I'm going to ask again. Are you sure you want to do this?" Blair spares a glance at her sister in the passenger seat, who's been nervously chewing the inside of her cheek. "You haven't really talked about what happened at the lock-in."

It takes a few moments before Sterling starts to recount what happened, "April isn't ready to be out. When her dad came home, she freaked out majorly and...flirted with Luke at the lock-in."

"What the fuck is wrong with her?"

Sterling sniffles quietly, "I asked her the same thing."

"You said fuck?" Sterling rolls her eyes and looks at her expectantly, and Blair takes the hint. "Oh, sorry, continue."

"I ran out after she unlocked the doors and she came after me. I tried to just keep walking. I was so devastated. She stopped me and explained herself."

Blair makes a noise and grumbles, "Not well enough, if you ask me."

"Can you tone down protective sis- protective Blair for a second?"

Blair pretends she doesn't hear the correction and motions for her to continue, "You have the floor."

"She got spooked because he specifically asked about me and you. She thought it was about the gay thing."

"Not the bounty hunter thing."

Sterling shakes her head and Blair waits for her sister to continue. "What he did is still wrong," Sterling wipes at her nose, "but what he did has nothing to do with April."

Blair taps at the steering wheel mindlessly before asking, "But he has a lot to do with why she won't come out, right?"

"On top of being a woman-beater," Sterling explains, "he's apparently not a big fan of the gays."

"Surprise, surprise! What a dick!" Blair says, disgust all over her face. "So. We're going after him."

Sterling's face hardens into determination, "Damn right, we are."

Blair finally sticks the key in the ignition and fires up the Volt. She pauses and turns to Sterling again. "Will you ever tell April?"

"Tell her what? We twin swore on not telling anyone about bounty hunting." Sterling stares straight ahead, waiting for her sister to finally start driving.

"I meant," Blair waits for Sterling to meet her gaze, "will you ever tell her that you love her?"

The question takes her off-guard. She opens her mouth to answer, only to hesitate. _No_ , is the immediate answer that comes to mind. _Yes_ , is the answer she wants to say. _She'll probably hate me when she knows the truth_ , is the one that scares her the most. She settles on an answer that encompasses all of her contradicting emotions, "I don't know, Blair. I'm not sure it would change anything."

Blair looks at her sister sadly, "If you want, I can beat her up after we throw her dad in jail. I'm sure that would change something."

That makes Sterling laugh, "Let's just focus on putting her dad in jail, so then we can be free of the Stevens family forever."

"Amen to that."

Blair puts the car in drive and they travel to Stevens's lake house property in mostly comfortable silence after that. She lets Sterling pick the playlist and even doesn't complain when it's something Top 40.

Sterling is thankful they don't broach the family subject during the drive. Blair's been trying to keep her busy, so she won't have to think about Debbie or Anderson or Dana. But, she's not sure how much of it was for Sterling and how much it was for Blair's own benefit. Sterling figures it's probably both. Debbie and Anderson had lied to them both. Blair doesn't deal well with being lied to. Sterling can't blame her for that. They had sixteen years of opportunity, on top of the several weeks of Blair's ever-growing suspicion, before it all blew up in their faces. Suffice to say, very little words are exchanged in the Wesley house since.

So, Blair has taken it upon herself to continue to call Sterling her sister in front of anyone and everyone because that's what they are. Sisters. Blair would even fight anyone who says they're not twins. Sterling muses that Hell would have to freeze over before Blair even thinks about disowning her. And even then, Blair would resist.

Whatever happens, at least she knows she's got Blair at her side.

*

They park just in view of the dock and scan the perimeter. It's quiet for sunset. Usually the residents love to lounge around on the dock or on their boats when the heat dies down just enough and there's an orange glow to the water. But, no one seems to be around.

That is, until John Stevens himself emerges from the Stevens boat. He looks pretty satisfied for someone with a bounty to his name. He looks around once or twice to make sure that no one's around to watch him, before he continues to load supplies into his boat.

When he struggles with two very large duffels that could easily be mistaken for body bags, Blair's already out of the Volt with Sterling following closely behind.

"Are you sure this was a good idea? We don't exactly have an escape plan" Sterling asks in a whisper as they sneak onto the same dock they trespassed last time to the Stevens's boat. She hands her sister a glock, "He might be more prepared this time around."

"We got him once, and we can get him again." Blair whispers back, holstering the the gun without thinking, "He's the idiot that skipped bail twice and has the same escape plan."

The boat is empty when they get to the end of the dock. Blair forcefully rocks boat with her foot a few times to make sure he isn't hiding in the water. They can't seem to find anything on the boat, no supplies and no bodybag-looking duffels.

"What if he threw them overboard?!" Blair asks in a panic, letting Sterling pull her back onto the dock.

"What do we do? He's not even here."

A voice behind them startles them.

"Looking for me, ladies?"

Before they can react, John Stevens pulls Sterling into a stranglehold. Blair pulls out Sterling's glock, but John already has the barrel of his own pistol pointed right under Sterling's jaw. "Any sudden movements and I'll pull the trigger, Jessica."

The girls cry out in protest:

"Her name's not Jessica!"

"My name's Blair!"

John jerks Sterling around to get a better grip, threatening her, "Shut up, both of you!"

Sterling shuts her eyes and sends a silent prayer up to God. Blair doesn't drop the gun, her grip only tightening and her knuckles turning white.

"You don't have to do this, Mr. Stevens." Sterling begs, praying desperately for a little more time. "We can come to an agreement."

Blair tries to add on, "Yeah, technically we're not here to take you in. We just wanted some intel."

He laughs and grits his teeth, "Not here for negotiations or your dumb excuses. If you want to ruin my life, then I get a fair shot at ruining yours."

The telltale sign of a gun being cocked sounds from behind John.

"Now, Daddy, that's not how we're supposed to treat our guests. Besides, they're my classmates."

Sterling is the first to speak, "April?"

Blair's jaw is practically on the floor when she processes who it is and what she's holding, "with a shotgun?!"

"Hello, Blair. Hello, Sterling." April nods at Blair and then nudges the shotgun at her father's shoulder, careful not to hold the trigger. "Daddy, you wouldn't want us to look inhospitable, would you?"

"Padawan, this doesn't concern you. You should get inside." John doesn't make any move to let Sterling go, "Your friends and I have some unfinished business." His tone darkens, "And I'll deal with you later."

April tilts her head, "I think you're outnumbered."

John scoffs and rolls his eyes, "By three teenagers?"

"Hey, two of us sent you to jail to begin with," Blair argues back, before adding out of Southern instinct, "Mr. Stevens, sir."

Sterling can only watch as realization dawns on April's face. April's lowers her shotgun ever so slightly as she rapidly blinks to take in the information. Sterling takes the opportunity to buy April a little more time, "And one is your daughter, sir."

April composes herself and readjusts, shotgun still readily in her grasp and she nudges her father again.

"Let them go."

He starts laughing, "What are you gonna do? Shoot your own father?"

April looks like she's about to crack, tears welling in her eyes. Then she visibly swallows and stares at him directly in the eye, shoving the barrel forcefully into his back, "You're the one that taught me to where it won't be fatal. And I'm the only one here with CPR training."

"You're not going to let them ruin our family like this, are you?"

April takes a shaky breath, her eyes looking between the Wesley girls, before answering, "You ruined us first."

The blood drains from his face, but he really digs his heels in, "I will not be taken down by a bunch of teenagers!"

Blair notices something in the distance and takes a step forward, "Just let us go. Like I said, we were only looking for recon. Please don't force our hands."

"Force your hands? You and what army?"

"April now!"

April takes the butt of her shotgun and knocks her father in the head, his body going limp at the impact. Sterling falls free and she kicks the pistol into the water. April studies her quickly and lets Blair pull Sterling away. April continues to point her gun at her unconscious father.

"I'm sure that'll hurt his frail ego." Bowser finally appears, slightly out of breath. April steps aside, not putting her gun down, but allows Bowser to pass. Bowser cuffs John Stevens, "and if he wants to try anything else, my bondswoman's in the car and has her cop friend on speed dial."

Bowser asks, "You girls okay?"

Sterling can only nod, her eyes on April the entire time. April looks so shell-shocked, but she finally lowers her own weapon.

Before she can say anything, Bowser announces, "I'm going to stick this fool in the Jeep with Yolanda. Meet me up there when you're done here." He throws a pointed look at Blair and Sterling, "You two are certainly not off the hook for this recklessness. I'm going to lose all my hair by next week if y'all keep this up."

They can only agree silently, sharing a look and then going back to watching April who still hasn't said a word.

Bowser shoves a half-conscious John forward, but then stops. He addresses April, "I know this was hard for you. But, you did good, kid. Yolanda wants a few words, but whenever you're ready."

April breaks her silence and simply nods, "Thank you, Mr. Simmons."

"Mr. Simmons?" Blair blurts out, and yells out after Bowser, "You didn't tell us you had a last name! Bowser, don't you walk away from me!"

"Blair, we can yell at him another time." Sterling says, her eyes still trained on April out of fear that she'll disappear into thin air.

Blair frowns and then waves a hand in April's direction, "Fine."

April straightens her back, clicking the safety on her shotgun. "I've heard enough for one night, thank you."

"April, please."

"You really want to reason with someone brandishing a shotgun?" April asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you..." Sterling looks at Blair, who raises her hands in surrender, and then back at April, "threatening us?"

"No." April sighs deeply, "He may have raised me and taught me everything he knows, but I am not my father."

"We never thought you were." Sterling says, sincerity in her tone.

Blair reassures her, " _He_ has to answer for _his_ actions. Not you." She grins, "Plus, you're, like, a total badass! Big dick energy all the way."

April's face turns to disgust, "I would never."

Blair's grin breaks out wider on her face, much to April's annoyance and Sterling's embarrassment, "And she knows what she likes."

"What my sister is trying to say, is thank you for saving our butts back there." Sterling explains, and she's not sure April has softened any.

"I'm still the one that has to deal with the aftermath."

Sterling knows full well that statement is meant to sting, meant to throw culpability at her decision-making weeks ago.

Blair clears her throat, "I"m going to let you two lovebirds sort out everything else." She claps a hand on April's back, "Thanks again, April. You should drop by the yogurt shop so we can annoy Bowser by giving you free yogurt."

"I'll..." April glances at Sterling before settling on a response, "consider it, Blair."

Blair fist-pumps, "That's what I'm talking about, Stevens." She runs back up the dock, probably to bother Bowser some more.

At this point, the sun has fully set. Sterling's fully aware that she's alone on the dock with April and her shotgun. "You know this means you're on her list of badass women. It's a very short list, but it's very important to her." Sterling tries to make light of the situation, "And Bowser seems to like you. I bet you're his favorite out of the three of us right now."

April merely chuckles and shakes her head, but she doesn't say anything. Her eyes are trained on the dark water of the lake, her mind far away and Sterling is desperate to bring her back.

"Thank you, again."

Despite Sterling's effort to be sincere, April's stare remains on the water.

"And I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

April asks, her jaw set and her eyes cold, finally directing her gaze at Sterling, "Did...he hurt you before we got here?"

Sterling shakes her head, "No, I'm fine."

April takes what almost sounds like a sigh of relief, but then she steels herself again. "Did you come here to arrest him tonight?"

"Not entirely, only if we had a reason." Sterling admits, "Yolanda only let us go because we promised we would only be on a stakeout. And, well, look where that got us."

"Were you ever going to tell me about all this?"

Sterling shakes her head, "I...don't know. Blair and I twin swore we wouldn't tell anyone, since we technically shouldn't be Bail Enforcement Agents as teenagers." She focuses on picking at the skin on her right index finger before admitting quietly, "I was afraid that you'd hate me if you ever knew the whole truth. I wasn't sure you'd want me after you figure out I was the one that arrested your dad, nonetheless had a hand in his second arrest." Tears start to fall at this point, "Someday isn't my call, April." Sterling finally muster courage to look April in the eye, "It's yours."

That finally makes April's features soften. She actually looks apologetic, "I can't say how I feel right now, Sterl. This is a lot."

That hurts more than Sterling would like to admit, even if it's not entirely definitive.

"I really am sorry."

"That doesn't make what happened between us less complicated, Sterling." April explains, lifting her free hand to rub her own forehead. "Or less confusing." She sets her shotgun down, double checking the safety. Then she stands in front of Sterling and studies the blonde's face. "I guess if I hated you, I wouldn't have intervened. All I know is the moment Mr. Simmons saw you two out on the dock with my dad, I knew I had to stop him. All I could think about was you."

Sterling certainly doesn't expect that. Screaming and yelling, maybe. Or even deeply-cutting insults, like the old April would. But that just knocks the wind out of her.

April leans up to place a kiss on Sterling's cheek. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Sterling sucks in a breath, whispering, "So, where do we go from here?"

"Home, I guess." April sighs, breaking the spell to pull back and turn around. She doesn't walk away just yet, only turning her head slightly to address Sterling. "I'm sorry for what I did at the lock-in. I don't think I ever apologized for that. You deserved an explanation, not the way I froze you out like that." She throws a sad smile over her shoulder, "But, my family is still a priority right now."

Sterling nods, her eyes shutting to try to block out the tears. Maybe if she keeps them in, her heart won't feel like it's cracking in two.

"Bye, Sterl."

Sterling doesn't watch her leave. She doesn't need more images of April Stevens walking away from her. She only listens for April's footsteps to get further away before she opens her eyes and looks up at the sky. She's suddenly convinced God's master plan for her and April is exactly this.

*

When Sterling reaches the Volt, April and Yolanda are having a conversation on the other side of the parking lot. Sterling offers a small smile when April catches her looking.

"You've got puppy-dog eyes." Blair comments immediately appearing at her side, "Your nemesis-turned-girlfriend-turned-ex is still pretty cool, though."

Sterling sighs and laughs at the absurdity of it all, "Yeah, I know."

Bowser shows up at Sterling's other side, "Your friend called me and Yolanda to help her take him in. She's got guts, if you ask me."

Blair nods with appreciation all over face, "I honestly wouldn't have pegged her as a narc."

"Blair, it's hardly being a narc if he's wanted for beating up yet another prostitute."

"Well, you're both pretty damn lucky she arrived when she did."

"It's okay, Bowsey, you would've saved us eventually." Blair smiles too sweetly at him.

"I don't need none of your sass." Bowser grumbles, "You two put yourselves in danger after I specifically told you to stay put."

"But Yolanda let us!" Sterling argues weakly. "She's technically in charge of the assignments."

"You lied to her and don't think I didn't give her a lecture on the way over here."

Blair groans at him like he's a lost cause, "Bowser, lecturing her isn't going to win her heart over."

"I'm not trying to win her heart! I just need to make sure my interns are safe while I'm away." Bowser explains calmly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He lets out an exasperated sigh, "I'm so glad you two brought your own car."

"Aw, we missed you too, Bowser!" Sterling coos at the older man.

He rolls his eyes when the girls hug him from both sides and he pats their arms lightly. "Yeah, yeah."

Blair pulls back and pouts, "We're sorry, Bowsey."

"Yeah, you better be. No assignments for a month! Just yogurt duty." Sterling and Blair protest, but he's already making his way to his car. "I don't want to hear it! Take it up with Miss Cathy. Now, go home."

Sterling looks back at April and Yolanda, "What about April?"

Bowser sighs and looks at her sympathetically, "She asked us to take her home. I'll make sure she gets home safe."

Blair tugs Sterling towards their car, "Come on. It's getting late. We trust Bowser and Yolanda, don't we?"

Sterling nods, "Thanks, Bowser."

He pats on her on the shoulder sympathetically, "Drive safe, girls."

When they're about halfway home, Blair starts up conversation while resting her elbow on the driver's side window as her other hand stays on the wheel. She runs her free hand through her hair and then looks over at Sterling. "So, do you still want me to beat her up?"

"Don't bother, I don't think she'll want anything to do with us after tonight."

"You know for someone who saved our butts, she has an awful way of showing she cares."

"Blair..." Sterling is starting to get a headache. She surely hasn't accounted for Blair being Team April, but she surely didn't expect it to be like this.

"She's only begrudgingly on my list, by the way." Blair ponders, clearly battling with being loyal to her sister or being April Stevens's number one fan. "But, I guess just because she's on my list doesn't mean I can't beat her up."

"Promise me you won't give her a hard time?" Sterling asks looking at her sister, "I feel like we've already put her through enough."

"Fine." Blair grins, "Only for you."

*

The month goes by painstakingly slow, both at home and at school. So, Sterling and Blair eat their weight in yogurt at the shop to cope and to come up with new flavor profiles.

April doesn't show up to school for a week and then reappears only to be civil in group or partner settings. Otherwise, she avoids being alone with Sterling. It's not like Sterling didn't expect this, but it still hurts.

Things at home don't really get better, but they don't get worse either. Debbie tries to be gentle without being desperate and Anderson hides away in his workshop to whittle his wooden duck figurines. The energy in the Wesley house is so off-kilter, Blair muses at one point that they should run away. Sterling quickly talks her down after going over logistics of what it means to be a self-sufficient, working adult in a capitalist society. Blair bemoans that she doesn't know how they would pay for an apartment and promptly scraps the idea.

Just to get out of the house, the girls take over Chloe's entire walk schedule.

"What if we took up dog-walking?" Blair suggests as Chloe walks between them. "Look at Chloe. She loves hanging out with us. We're good with dogs!"

"Blair, mo--Debbie forced us to leash train with her so we didn't break our wrists when she was two." Sterling reminds her, her hand goes to scratch Chloe's fur softly as they continue down their street. "I think this is just a Chloe thing."

"You know you could still call her Mom, right? Like she looks like her heart is going to fall out every time she looks at you." Blair comments as she kicks a pine cone to the other side of the street. "She like totally didn't hide the fact that she was crying in the parlor the other day. I was shook."

"I know. I'm just frustrated that our entire lives were a lie." Sterling groans up to the sky, "Now, I know how you felt about me keeping secrets from you."

"Yeah, but it's not like it changed anything for us. Plus, we agreed to never keep secrets again." Blair supplies, "You being bluish-pink-purple, or whatever, doesn't change the fact that you're my sister and that your breath gives me life."

"But not actually sharing parents does?" Sterling tries to follow, confusion stitching her eyebrows together.

"No, none of that talk. Keeping your birth mother a secret from you changes how you see them. They completely betrayed your trust!" Blair bumps shoulders with her, "Totally doesn't change the way I see you, though. Your breath still totally gives me life."

Sterling smiles brightly at her sister. "What would I do without you?"

"Run away just to spite Mom."

"Hey, running away was your idea!"

"Oh," Blair tilts her head, "Yeah, that _was_ my idea. I'm honestly such a genius sometimes."

At this point, Sterling has already unlocked the front door and is already kneeling in the foyer to wipe Chloe's paws down. "Go on, bestest girl."

Chloe licks her face before barking all while she rushes through to the kitchen.

Sterling looks up at Blair, not having gotten up yet, "I guess it was a good walk?"

Blair hangs up the leash on the wall hook, "Duh, we walked her."

Sterling holds her hands up and Blair pretends to struggle as she helps her to her feet before shoving her playfully running into the kitchen.

Sterling follows suit but doesn't account for Blair coming to a skidding halt at the kitchen island. She ends up running right into Blair's back. "Oof! Blair! Come on, warn a girl!"

"Oh, girls! Good, you're home. You have a visitor." Debbie says from the armchair, motioning to said visitor on the couch.

"Sterling, look, April's here!" Blair announces in too much of a sing-song voice to her sister who's still fussing about running into her.

Sterling's head immediately snaps up and looks like a deer caught in the headlights as she musters a response, "Hi...April. What a surprise to see you here. In our home."

The image of April Stevens sitting in her home is something Sterling can't deny she's thought about in various daydreams. She imagines them kissing in the foyer and jumping apart at the sound of Debbie and Anderson in the kitchen or the sound of Blair's snickering at the top of the staircase. Maybe April sits correct and proper on the couch, Chloe at her feet, having an agreeable and polite conversation with Debbie; Or April discusses the best ways to maintain whatever tools Anderson has in the shop; Or April catches Sterling blatantly staring and smiling bright and confident from across the room.

Blair elbows her to break her out of her reverie.

"How, uh, can we help you?"

Blair gives her a look, which she ignores.

April stands from the couch, pressing her uniform down, and then addresses the girls, "I apologize for dropping in unannounced. I... wanted to go over the Fellowship duties that I'll be leaving to you."

Sterling takes a moment to process the information presented to her, "Wait, you're quitting Fellowship?"

April clears her throat, "I'll be quitting Fellowship at Willingham, but hopefully at my new school there'll be an equivalent."

Blair looks at Debbie and then between the two girls. Sterling looks at April like the girl just dropped an anvil on her head. All three girls are thankful that Debbie doesn't pry into why she's leaving Fellowship or Willingham altogether.

Unlike Sterling, Blair thinks quick on her feet, "Mom, do you mind if we take this upstairs? I'm sure Sterling would want to take some notes."

"Oh, of course, sweetie." Debbie turns to April with a gentle smile, "Why don't you go ahead and follow the girls upstairs to their rooms? Go on."

"Thank you, Mrs. Wesley." She sets her half-finished drink on a coaster on the coffee table. "Your lemonade is delightful."

"You always gave the best compliments, my dear." Debbie ushers the girls upstairs, "Go on."

When they're upstairs in Sterling's room, Blair makes sure the door is shut firmly.

April clears her throat, and looks at them like they're crazy, "You two are terrible liars. How do you keep anything from her?"

Blair shrugs, not really bothered by the statement, "Mom and Dad are bad liars, too."

April grimaces at the thought. "Well, that explains a lot."

Sterling, completely not paying attention, hopes she doesn't look like a kicked puppy, "You're leaving?"

April smiles sadly, "With my dad in prison, we can't afford to stay here. My mom has to sell the lake house and a bunch of other assets my dad told her not to touch."

"Vengeance is sweet, isn't it?" Blair nods in appreciation.

"Nothing like a woman scorned," April offers up a crooked smile, "but it comes with consequences, I'm afraid."

"Do you guys know where you're going yet?" Blair asks, her voice soft and laid with more concern than Sterling's ever heard when these two are involved.

April sighs, "We're moving closer to my grandparents in Tennessee."

"Hey, that's not too far." Blair says hopeful, pulling up Maps to do get an estimate. "It's like 6 hours, tops, depending how far west you go."

April reminds the brunette, "Blair, no one's parents are going to allow that."

"Not with that attitude, missy." Blair sticks her tongue out April, who simply rolls her eyes with an amused smile. "But, I am gonna miss you. It's hard to break in a new nemesis, but you'll always be number one."

"Thanks, Blair. I'm honored to be your public enemy number one." April tries to deadpan, despite the smile growing on her face.

Blair grins and sticks her hand out for a fist bump.

April looks at it questioningly.

"Come on, Stevens. Don't let this be my last memory of you." She moves her fist closer, and April begrudgingly humors her, meeting her own fist with Blair's. "See you around, Apes. Ew, no I do not like that."

Sterling takes pity on April, who looks so beyond offended at the misfired nickname. "Alright, that's enough, Blair." She shuffles her sister through their shared bathroom and into Blair's bedroom.

She walks back into her own room, feeling completely out of her element. She clasps her hands together and holds them at the hem of her own sweater. Just like imagining April in her living room, she's also imagined what it would be like to have April in her childhood bedroom. Lingering stolen kisses after Debbie leaves the room and baited breaths when they hear footsteps in the hallway. Maybe April would tease her about Mr. Woofs or Miss Pengi and she'd have to kiss her to get her to leave them alone.

This isn't how it is now, and Sterling prays it doesn't end like this.

April pulls her out of her daydream with a chuckle. The girl in front of her shaking her head, "I can't say I'll ever get used to your sister being this nice to me."

Sterling shrugs, "Well, if you're as good as a shot as I am, she might just worship the ground you walk."

"I'm not entirely sure shooting is an area I would want to go toe-to-toe with you." April makes a face, "I only know how to use them out of my dad's belief that I should."

"You seemed pretty confident at your lake house." Sterling points out, "Come on, I'm sure your technique puts your color-coded notes to shame."

They look at each other and laugh, free and lighter than they've had a chance to in a while. Trying to make up for so much time lost from misunderstanding to the next, only to be met with reality once again.

"I should probably get going. My mom's adamant for us to have dinner together and I shouldn't be late." April sighs and meets Sterling's gaze, "So, I guess this is goodbye."

"Does it have to be?" Sterling asks before thinking. "Like, we could text and call and stuff, right?"

"Sterl...My mom still doesn't know, and the move is difficult enough as is." April lifts her chin, the corners of of her mouth a telltale that she's suppressing any emotion to pass the floodgate. "I have to play my cards safe still."

Sterling tries to pretend this isn't ripping her shreds inside, but she can't help but wear her heart on her sleeve, especially when it comes to April Stevens.

"On the bright side, my dad thinks I'll shoot him for real if he ever tries anything." April shrugs, "Can't say I don't like that kind of power." She peeks up at Sterling. "But, at least, I know you're safe."

"I don't know...I just figured we'd awkwardly avoid each other until we graduate. This isn't fair." Sterling starts to cry, "I didn't think you'd have to move away."

April pulls her close, her hands framing Sterling's face. She thumbs away Sterling's tears, and makes a split decision to lean in and kiss her, soft and slow and meaningful.

 _Please don't go. I love you._ is on the tip of Sterling's tongue, but she cradles it close to her chest instead. If she's got any cards to play, this would be it.

"I'm sorry we didn't have a chance." April says sadly, her hand lingering along Sterling's jaw, looking at her like she's trying to memorize her.

"Me too."

They regain enough composure to go downstairs and face Debbie who's already lamenting that April won't be staying for dinner. Thankfully, Debbie doesn't push too hard and lets Sterling walk her friend out.

"Will you still be at school, or is this it?" Sterling asks sadly when they reach April's car.

"Next Friday's my last official day, but I might not even show up. There's so much I have to help my mom with." April sighs and then realizes, "I haven't even told Ellen yet."

"She's going to be devastated."

April finally opens the car door, but she she just looks up at Sterling, "It won't be as hard as getting in this car right now, I'll tell you that much."

"Please don't make me cry again," Sterling says, failing to hold in a sob. "I have to go back in and face my family."

"I...don't know how long I'll be able to keep my current number, but I'll text you my email address tonight."

It's a peace offering, and Sterling clings to it eagerly. "I would like that, yeah."

April can't fight the smile spread across her face, "Good. Me too."

"Thanks for, you know, actually saying goodbye."

"I don't think I could've ghosted you if I tried."

They respond at the same time, "Blair would find out."

They laugh and Sterling hugs April again. She whispers into April's hair, "I'm gonna miss you a lot, April Stevens."

April hugs back tighter in return, "You too, Sterling Wesley."

*

When April delivers on her promise and sends her an email address, Blair insists Sterling send an email immediately.

"I've already made a fool of myself on several occasions, Blair." Sterling complains as she leans back on Blair's bed to read what her sister is typing into her email, "Do I really need to add to that pile?"

"Duh!" Blair says it like it's somehow not rocket science, continuing to type with a hardened concentration. "She finds you endearing."

"Not enough evidently."

"The emojis and memes are gonna help. Trust me." Blair's tongue pokes out the corner of her mouth as she picks the perfect combination of emojis, and double checks April's email. "You know, for someone as smart as April, she can't spell."

Sterling looks over her shoulder to peek at her screen, "Blair, it's Latin and a bit of a play on words."

"Oh, I stand corrected. She's an even bigger nerd."

"It's probably a burner email. She's still worried about her parents finding out about her."

"Dude, that sucks." She grins up at her sister, "But, this will help. Promise."

Before Sterling can let Blair hit send on a paragraph full of emojis and dog memes, Sterling grabs her phone back. "Blair, do you wanna talk about Miles?"

Blair's face falls completely and refuses eye contact, "No?"

"Look, I'm really grateful that you're so supportive of me and April one day figuring this out, but we all know it's not likely right now. No matter how much big boi energy memes we send her." Sterling turns on her side to face Blair, "But, how much of it is because you want to distract yourself from Miles?"

"I don't really know how to put it into words. April is great and she is absolutely on my list of badass women. All of that is sincere, I promise."

"I know it is, Blair." Sterling whispers as she lets Blair turn to face her. "It's one of the things I love most about you."

"What? That I love my one and only sister forever and ever? And by extension anyone you choose to love?"

Sterling shakes her head, "that, and when you love, you love throwing caution to the wind."

Blair sighs deep and she lets Sterling hold her when she admits, "If I can't have what I had with Miles, then someone out there deserves to feel that. Like you and April, maybe hopefully one day, ya know?"

"Your real soulmate won't know what'll hit 'em."

"You have to say that. You're my sister."

"I am, aren't I?"

Blair starts swatting at Sterling's arm, "Sure am. Now hit send. That girl needs a laugh every now and then."

April responds in the middle of the night, long after Blair's fallen asleep:

 _Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com  
_ _To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

 _Greetings from Nashville. Sgt. Bilko is upset at the lack of cat memes sent. Tell Blair I actually needed the laugh. But, please don't tell me she'll be reading all our correspondence?  
_ _-A_

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com  
_ _To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com  
_ _  
Oooh, you didn't say Nashville! Say hi to Taylor Swift for me!  
_ _She was just excited on my behalf. Will Sgt. Bilko also see all our emails too? Maybe we can just have them talk to each other and he can take up his complaints with my sister.  
_ _-S_

*

Sterling doesn't hear from April for several of months. School keeps her busy and Bowser finally lets the girls join on bounty hunting assignments again. Both serving as welcome distractions.

She's sitting in the yogurt shop when her phone goes off. She's surprised when she sees an email notification from none other than April Stevens herself:

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

_Isn't it weird that we're supposed to map out our entire lives when we're seventeen?_ _That's between me and God._  
 _Besides, as Poet Taylor Swift says, "I'm only seventeen; I don't know anything."_  
 _-A_

The yogurt shop bell rings and Sterling shoves her phone into her back pocket. "Hi, welcome to Yogurtopia, where the road to heaven is paved with Sprinkles!"

"That doesn't sound like it's from the Bible, but I'm also not the best with citing references." It's Luke, laughing and smiling up at her as he bounds up the counter.

"Hi Luke, fancy seeing you here." Sterling smiles back at him, "Can I get you anything?"

"Well, hard to turn down a slogan like that." He lowers his voice, "The sprinkles are optional, right?"

Sterling laughs, "Yes, Luke. You can pick your own toppings."

"Oh, great! Had me worried there for a second."

He rattles off his order and waits for Sterling to construct peanut butter flavored frozen yogurt with bananas, chocolate chips, yogurt chips on top.

"There you go." Sterling hands him his order and then adds, "And don't worry, that one's on the house. Think of it as an apology for being a bad friend the past few months."

"At least take a tip." He grins, dropping a couple of dollar bills and various coins in the tip jar. "And you could never be a bad friend, Sterling."

"Do you think you can stick around for a bit?" Sterling asks him, "there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"For you? Of course!" He pauses, "Can I still eat my yogurt?"

Sterling finds herself chuckling, being reminded of why she liked him so much. She nods, "Yes, Luke."

"Sweet!"

"I'll meet you outside in a sec, yeah?" When he walks out, she calls out for her sister, "Hey, Blair!"

"Sup, sis?" Blair says, a yogurt spoon hanging out of her mouth as she carries a new concoction. Her face is full of extreme concentration as she tastes her new experiment.

"Can you cover register?"

Blair nods, "Yeah, but you owe me."

"Always, I'll be back in like 10."

Taking a scoop of her yogurt, she calls out to Sterling's who's almost out the door, "Oh, and tell Luke he's right to be afraid of the heavenly sprinkles, but he should totally try the mochi bits next time!"

Sterling finds Luke sitting on a cinder block, enjoying the weather and his yogurt.

"Hey Luke, thanks for waiting."

He scoots over so they can share the cinder block.

"Yeah, no worries." Luke says enthusiastically, "and thanks for the yogurt. It's delicious."

"Heavenly, right?" Sterling jokes, "Blair says you should try the mochi bits next time."

"Will do. Blair's always got my back on these things." He nods, keeping his spoon in his mouth. Then he sticks it back in his cup. "So, uh, what did you want to talk about, Sterl?"

"Well, you know how when we broke up, I talked about finding things about myself that I liked that I didn't know before?"

"Yeah, did you find other desserts you like?" His eyebrows furrow when he asks, "Is mochi one of them?"

"Well, yes." Sterling says, not really wanting to knock mochi. She does enjoy it immensely. "But, um, there are other things too."

"Oh, I'm so happy to hear that, Sterl." He says with a smile on his face that can only mean that he's being completely sincere. "My music buddies have taught me how to palm-mute my chords and it's really opened up opportunities for my playing. So, you must feel like the world's opened up for you."

Sterling lets out a nervous breath, "Uh, yeah, I mean. That's a way to put it."

"Well, how would you put it?" He takes a bite of his yogurt, and Sterling finds an opening.

"Well, you know how you only picked only one yogurt flavor?"

He nods slowly, "Yeah...was I supposed to pick more than one?"

Sterling shakes her head, "No, that's a personal preference. There's not a wrong way to eat yogurt, Luke."

"Oh, good." And he lowers his voice and leans in to admit, "I've never been here so I just spitballed. But I landed on a goldmine here."

"That's good, Luke." Sterling takes a deep breath, "What I'm trying to say that while some people like one flavor of yogurt. Others might like two. Or many, like on a spectrum. Or, like, none at all."

The confusion on Luke's face is evident in the way he doesn't focus on his yogurt. "So, where do you fit in the yogurt flavor preference?"

"I'm sorry, this was a bad, confusing metaphor." Sterling says, a little frustrated.

"Hey, it's okay. You know you can tell me anything." He smiles easy and reassuring, "We didn't date for 6 years for nothing, right?"

Sterling smiles back at him and takes a deep breath. "I'm bisexual."

She swears he almost drops his yogurt cup. His eyebrows raise and he blinks a few times like she can see all his brain power going into handling it delicately. He blows out air through his lips and lets his shoulders sag, "Oh, I didn't expect that at all."

Sterling shrugs. She doesn't meet his searching gaze as the tiny fear that she made a mistake comes bubbling up, "I figured who best to come out to than you, right?"

He sets his empty cup off to the side and opens his arms wide, "Yeah, I'm so happy you learned something about yourself and I appreciate you telling me. Thank you."

Sterling feels her heart swell as she leans to hug him. He's always been this supportive, and she's happy that a couple months didn't change that. Especially taking into consideration that she broke up with him.

She gives him the short version, the one without subduing a man in a throuple or April, April's father, or the lock-in. But she leaves in the other important parts, like how she finds passion in moments that are small, or challenging, or make her feel like her maxilla is set alight.

"So, do I get to meet the new girlfriend," He pauses when her face falls and decidedly pulls back, "or boyfriend?"

"Oh, I'm not dating anyone." Sterling admits, giving a quick apologetic smile, "I just wanted you to know because I trust you."

She swears that he tears up at the admission, like that's all he really wanted with her. And they promise to hang out again in the future, when things aren't so busy. She looks forward to having a friend back.

True to his word, he keeps her secret.

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_How is there this much stress with college applications? I hardly know what I want for dinner. My whole life seems a little overkill. May the odds be ever in your favor._   
_Have you met her yet? Have you told her that Bad Blood was indeed a cultural reset? She should know._   
_"_ _I don't know anything, but I know I miss you."_   
_-S_

*

Tensions rise at home when Sterling announces at dinner one night that she hasn't even considered UGA as her choice school or even a backup.

Debbie drops her fork and is overcome with grief, probably grappling in real time that the life she planned out for the children she raised keep going a different way.

Blair rolls her eyes at the dramatics, "Mom, it's not a big deal. There's plenty of good schools out there aside from UGA."

"Go Dogs," Blair and Sterling unenthusiastically chant together.

Anderson chews thoughtfully on his chicken and then nods, settling on a nice neutral ground, "Honey, I'm sorry to hear UGA isn't your top choice, but it's nice to see you keep your options open. Blair's right. There's plenty of good schools out there."

Debbie just smiles a little too wide for Sterling to take it as sincere.

Sterling smiles sadly as she moves mashed potatoes around on her plate, "Thanks, Dad."

After helping clean up after dinner and avoiding eye contact with Debbie, she follows Blair upstairs who sits on the floor at the foot of Sterling's bed.

Sterling plops onto her bed, so her head's next to Blair's. "I had half a mind to come out to them."

"Mom would've blown a gasket," Blair cackles, throwing her head back. The she stops and sits up again. "But, you know, your confidence? I love that for you. Rejecting UGA in front of the parental units like that. Iconic. You're gonna rock the coming out thing when you're ready."

"Thanks, Blair. I only learned from the best." She shakes her head at her sister, "I'll pretend you don't actually enjoy annoying them."

"Oh come on, I only do it on your behalf!" Blair cries out in protest. "They don't take me seriously enough if it's just my own views."

"Is this your way of saying you have my back if they disown me after I come out?"

"One, they wouldn't. You're the golden child. Two, you bet your half-up-half-down wearing butt that I would fight them before they even try."

Sterling sighs, rolling over on her back and staring up at her ceiling. She decides not to say anything, knowing where her mind is wandering when it comes to Debbie and Anderson. Thankfully, her and Blair consistently find themselves on the same wavelength despite everything.

"Besides, wouldn't it be messed up that they brought you into their home, lied to you your entire life, but then that one time you need them to accept you the most, they don't?" Blair asks sadly. "I'd fight them to hell and back."

Sterling laughs, tears spilling out at her sister's unwavering loyalty. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love the energy you bring into my life?"

"I know, right?" Blair smiles, practically preening at the compliment, "What would you do without me?"

Sterling ponders it for a second, "Probably not wear my hair half up and half down?" Then she groans, "as if being the fake daughter who doesn't want to go to UGA isn't hard enough. Let's add the bi factor."

"Oooh, bi factor. That should be a reality tv show." Blair muses aloud, "Would it be fair if only the bis could win? Oh! Maybe we could ask Bowser. He's like old and wise, isn't he?"

When Blair notices Sterling hasn't said anything, she pokes the side of her face, "I'm serious though. You're my sister and I'd fight anyone, even our so-called parents, for you."

Sterling smiles because she wouldn't doubt her sister for a second, "Me too, Blair."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated #NationalComingOutDay 
> 
> This chapter was specifically for 20 year old me who deserved a better coming out story than she had.  
> Everyone deserves to feel safety, love, and acceptance. If you don't feel like you have that, you have that here, with me, in this little corner of fandom internet.

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_Can you believe we're high school graduates? From different high schools? Hope the summer in Nashville isn't too hot._   
_Oh, and that Taylor Swift finally graces you with her presence before you go to college and be even more of a force to be reckoned with._   
_-S_

Blair grins at Sterling after shutting the truck bed. "That's the last of it. Sure you don't wanna bring Mr. Woofs or Miss Pengi?"

Sterling rolls her eyes, "I know you'll take good care of them."

"That's a promise." Blair hugs her tight and kisses her on the cheek, "I love you. Don't forget about your dear sister, okay? I expect birthday and Christmas visits."

"Deal!" Sterling shoves at her playfully, "Don't give Bowser too much trouble."

"I make no such promises." Blair says with an indignant huff. "I'm gonna be that man's favorite. When I finish JC, get my certification, and meet the love of my life, it'll be over for you hoes."

"Blair, language!" Debbie comes out of the garage, carrying a bag of miscellaneous snacks and supplies. "Here, give these to your father and make sure he has his wallet."

"Yes, ma'am." Blair obliges, bumping shoulders with her sister before skipping off to find Anderson.

Debbie clears her throat and faces Sterling. "I'm so proud of you, honey." She sighs and tucks a strand of Sterling's hair behind her ear. "I know we haven't really seen eye to eye for a few years, but I want you to know that you'll always have a home here." She kisses her on the forehead. "You'll always have a family here. No matter what."

"Even when I'm going to Virginia for college instead of UGA?"

Debbie lets out an exasperated sigh, "Especially then."

"Thanks...Mom." Sterling says, tears coming to her eyes. "I'm sorry I've been difficult--"

"You have nothing to apologize for." Debbie wipes away her own tears. "Except for when you make your sister cry." Sterling laughs and rolls her eyes, hardly remembering the last big fight she's had with her sister that's ended in tears. Debbie makes sure to look her in the eye, "But, you don't apologize for being in this family."

"I'll miss you, Mom." Sterling says going in for a hug, "Thanks for everything."

"Me too, sweetie. If you need us, we're only a call away, okay?"

She climbs in the truck and waves at Blair and Debbie on the front lawn. She tries not to cry, but Anderson hands her a travel pack of Kleenex anyway when they get out on the highway. "You'll see them for Christmas. And I'd be surprised if Blair doesn't find a way to visit you before then."

"I'd be disappointed if she doesn't at least try to pull that off." She laughs and blows her nose. "Hey, thanks for driving me up."

"Of course, honey." He smiles, bright in the way it reaches his eyes. "It'll be our last chance to hang out before you go off and fall in love with someone and start your own family."

She latches onto the way he doesn't prescribe pronouns and hopes that's a good sign. She rolls her eyes to keep up with the conversation, "Dad, I'm just going to college."

"I know!" He admits with a chuckle, "I'm just excited for all the new things you get to experience. Just give us a warning when you bring someone home." He winks at her, "That way Mom can stage the house like none of us have ever lived there before."

Sterling giggles, can't quite stop the mirth bubbling up. As the laughter dies in her mouth, she looks over to him as he taps mindlessly along to the country song on the radio. She stares at the endless road instead, "But what if I brought home a girl?"

He laughs and shrugs, clearly missing what Sterling's trying to say, "Oh, I'm sure your mom would still stage the house for your friends, probably even more so if a lady's involved."

"No, Dad...that's..." Sterling starts to feel like she can't breathe, and she doesn't know how to go back from this. She hopes that maybe Anderson won't notice.

"OH!" Anderson catches up quickly when he sees Sterling panicking, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry I wasn't following, but I get it now."

Sterling feels tears start to well up again and Anderson desperately reaches for the entire pack of travel Kleenex. "But does that change anything?"

"Change what, honey?" There's a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face, "We'll love you no matter who you love, boy or girl or--"

"--don't say ficus." Sterling interjects, "Blair already used that."

Anderson chuckles, "Of course, she would." He sighs heavily and grips the steering wheel, looking like he's thinking very hard about something. "Well, look. I don't know a lot of things and I certainly don't know...that community, but if you're...?"

"Bi." Sterling supplies, still not wanting to look at him. "I like boys, and I like girls too."

He clears his throat, 'then, if my daughter is a bisexual, then I can't wait to meet whomever she chooses to bring home. I can't say I understand it fully." He catches her eye for a second, "but I promise you I'm going to try."

She smiles tearfully at him, "Thanks, Dad."

He reaches out to hold her hand and squeeze it tight. She cries more out of relief this time. "Hey, I mean it. Nothing would ever make me love you less."

She takes a shaky breath, "Will you tell Mom?"

"Not if you don't me to, sweetheart." He thinks for a second longer and places a kiss on her hand, "But something tells me she'd probably want to hear this from you first."

"Wouldn't she get mad that I told you first?"

"She might be a little hurt, but I'm sure she'll appreciate that you tell her."

They ease into an easier conversation after that. He lets Sterling play more updated country radio and he actually hums a long to a few of them.

 **Sterling [4:43pm]:** I told Dad...  
 **Blair [4:43pm]:** What????? You're gone for 5 hours and you tell him our biggest secret?!  
 **Sterling [4:44pm]:** No! I came out to him...  
 **Blair [4:44pm]:** OH!  
 **Blair [4:44pm]:** How'd he take it?  
 **Blair [4:44pm]:** OMG!!!  
 **Blair [4:44pm]:** DID YOU GUYS CRASH?  
 **Sterling [4:45pm]:** No, we didn't crash. We're another hour or so away from Virginia.  
 **Sterling [4:45pm]:** But he took it surprisingly well.  
 **Blair [4:45pm]:** I'm so proud of him :')  
 **Blair {4:45pm]:** I'm proud of you too, wonder twin <3

When they arrive on campus and move all of her stuff into her dorm, Anderson gives her a tearful goodbye and a wad of cash for emergencies. 

*

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

_Greetings from Boston! Semester started first week of August, and I'm already drowning in ancient texts._   
_Sources tell me you actually won forensics this year and got valedictorian? My instinctual competitive nature fights against this, but congratulations. You have always been a worthy opponent._   
_Never appeared in Nashville for me, but Centennial Park's grass is certainly as green as she describes._   
_-A_

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_Hello from Virginia! Can you believe we're in college already? When did that happen?_   
_Do you ever think about how 1989 is both a masterpiece and the only fall album that matters? Because I do._   
_-S_

*

Sterling doesn't date anyone until she meets Erin, who pulls her into the rain and kisses her unabashed and intense in their best dresses. Sterling realizes very soon she can't say no to dark hair and green eyes, even if she wanted to. Sterling walks Erin to class when she's stressed, and Erin shows up at Sterling's dorm with contraband wine and various snacks for impromptu movie nights.

It feels like the kind of love she's dreamed up for herself.

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

_It's all in God's masterplan, of course. How did my sources not inform me that you're a Cavalier?_   
_1989 is clearly her magnum opus. I prefer folklore myself for autumn, but my girlfriend believes Red crawled so that the latter half of her music catalog could run._   
_-A_

Erin kisses her one night and murmurs, "I think I love you."

Sterling almost chokes. She's never heard anyone outside her family and Luke actually utter 'I love you' to her. And she feels her heart swell in her chest and she kisses back with full fervor. "I love you, too."

She prays and hopes she doesn't screw this up, too.

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_You can add 'elusive' to my dossier, then. Or you need better sources than Sgt. Bilko._   
_Besides, you never said you were going to Harvard for Pre-Law.  
_ _Your girlfriend isn't wrong. But, mine thinks reputation is the only one that matters. At this point, is anyone's opinion wrong about her catalog?_   
_-S_

Sterling and Erin date for the latter half of freshman year and right up until Christmas their sophomore year when Erin finds out that she's not technically out. Sterling can't quite blame how their relationship fizzles out when she's still not sure how to come out to Debbie.

It seems only fair to be retribution for her past relationship woes, but she still cries on facetime that night to Blair, who tells her it's not the case. And it wouldn't be a breakup if Blair doesn't offer to either beat them up or stalk them on social media and then threaten to beat them up.

*

"Just rip the bandaid off already, Sterl!" Blair urges as they walk to the Volt on the only Sunday Sterling's in town for Spring Break, thankfully on time for church. "Are you gonna mope during all your visits? I take back the bare minimum deal."

"What? You want me to come out at church?"

Blair rolls her eyes, "Of course not. She'd probably faint and I don't want to answer to the judgment of the pews."

They buckle up and Sterling continues to complain, "But, it's Mom. How am I supposed to broach the subject?"

"Well," Blair tries to come up with something, "how did you talk to Dad about it?"

"He more stumbled into it unknowingly, poor guy." Sterling laments and groans, "He probably felt bad for me because I started crying when he didn't understand what I meant when I asked what would happen if I brought a girl home."

"Oh, Sterl, you didn't." Blair wears a horrified expression, gaping at her sister when they reach the stop sign. "I'm gonna have to buy that man some a bottle of Belgian Ale just for that."

"He thought I meant 'friend' and then I started crying, so yeah, I did."

"Well, you're not going to be as lucky with Mom. She doesn't go near subjects she doesn't want to talk about."

"Me being bi is one of those?"

"I don't know. She's never spoke ill of the gays."

"Yeah, but isn't that more of like security due to obscurity?"

Blair throws her sister a look when they're in the church parking lot. They don't immediately leave the car. "I'm sorry are we talking about the same Debbie Wesley or did you find other birth mothers?"

"Harsh, Blair." Sterling comments, "You should get that energy out before we go in there."

"Now, you're starting to sound like Mom." Blair cries out dramatically, "I know we're all, like, past it or whatever. But, it should be brought up every now and then."

Sterling lets her sister have her moment, and walks beside her on the way to the front doors. "What if I waited for the next religious holiday?"

"Christmas? You're gonna wait that long?"

"Wait, what if I ruin Christmas?"

Blair whispers emphatically, "Your gayness isn't going to ruin Christmas, just like it won't ruin Easter."

Sterling doesn't believe her and she steers clear of any substantial conversation with Debbie for the duration of Spring Break.

*

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

  
_How dare you slander Sgt. Bilko like that! I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm trying to be more modest._   
_You psych majors sure love to brag :P_   
_Neither of our girlfriends were right. Well, my ex wasn't anyway._   
_-A_   
_PS: Will coming out ever be easy?_

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

  
_I wouldn't dream of it. At least, his intel is getting better. But, I'll add 'modesty' to your dossier, anyway._   
_My ex also thought that This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things was one of her best works. And she was certainly wrong. Not everyone can have correct opinions, I guess._   
_-S_   
_PS: Excuse my french, but I fucking hope so._

*

Sterling dates a boy named Jackson for the fall semester of Junior year up until Christmas, when the prospect of bringing him home made her sick. Not that he isn't lovely in all the best ways. But, Sterling doesn't love him with any intensity or feeling. She thinks of Luke and thinks better than to lead the guy on.

When they break up finally, she cries to Blair and claims she'll never find love at this point if she's the one that keeps breaking it off. Blair, of course, offers to find the boy and threaten him in seven different ways. But Sterling declines.

When that doesn't cheer up her sister, Blair decides on a different approach. "When do you get back here?"

Sterling checks her calendar, "Um, looks like my flight lands on Friday night. Around 8."

"Cool, I got dibs on picking you up. I'll tell Mom and Dad." Blair announces in a sing-song voice, "and we are going to a party! Hannah B's parents are gonna be out of town and they let her throw a party for her friends from Willingham."

"Since when are you friends with Hannah B?"

"Since we took a philosophy class together at the JC, and we both suffered. Now we're like trauma bonded."

Sterling chuckles and shakes her head at her sister, "Yeah, alright. I could probably find a rebound. Or, I don't know, maybe make out with someone for a few hours."

"Yes, that is exactly the post-break up attitude!"

*

Sterling immediately regrets all her decision-making when she finds herself across Hannah B's living room from April Stevens and her plus one. She blends in with a small group, but watches as a tall raven-haired girl talks with April in the corner. Whatever the mystery girl says has to be funny seeing as how bright and loud the sound of April's laugh is. She loses any motivation to find a rebound.

She seizes an opportunity to remain hidden by blending in with a moving group and makes her way to the backyard for air. She nurses a warm cider in a styrofoam cup, thanks to Hannah B's forward thinking of throwing a party in the middle of Georgia winter. She pulls her coat tighter around herself as she sits on a two-seater patio swing in front of the fire pit.

She makes small talk with Franklin, who provides an update that Luke actually went to Upstate New York for Christmas break this year to meet his girlfriend's family. She makes a mental note to remember to catch up with him the next time they're in town at the same time.

Blair joins her for a little while. "Fuck, it's colder than a witch's tit out here, Sterl. You alright?"

Sterling shrugs, "The cider's doing its magic, I guess."

She leans in and whispers, "Hey, uh, I didn't know April was gonna show. I promise." Blair looks sad and apologetic, "If you want, we can dip early?"

"Go have fun with Hannah B." Sterling shakes her head, "Like I said, the cider's good and it's nice out here."

Blair looks around, "Really? You'd rather hang out with Franklin out here?"

"He's not being loud right now." Sterling doesn't even know what he's doing and she'd rather not find out. "And the swinging motion is calming."

"I'm sorry I brought you to a party where you have to mope. Worst sister award."

"Never." Sterling pats her sister on the cheek with her cold hand, "You can make it up to me by driving me around all Christmas break."

Blair shrieks, hopping off the swing, "Hey stop that!" She boops her sister on the nose with an equally cold finger. Sterling scrunches her nose at the contact. "And consider it done. I'll come get you when it's time to go. Love you."

"Love you!" Sterling calls after her, raising her cup and watching her sister quickly make her way back inside where it's warmer.

Not long after, she hears footsteps approach, but she doesn't bother to look up. She almost jumps out of the porch swing when she recognizes the voice speaking to her.

April stands before her with an oversized blanket draped over her small shoulders. Sterling takes a second to process that she's even being asked a question.

"Is this seat taken?"

Sterling composes herself, bringing the swingset to a stop, "Go for it."

April gives her a long look and then takes a seat. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"I'd say the same about you." Sterling chuckles, taking a sip of her drink, "Blair dragged me along. Apparently, her and Hannah B are friends?" She's not sure the word fits, but she respects what her sister's told her.

With a smile, April sighs, "I didn't expect that either, but it's not surprising that they get along. Something like opposites attract, right?"

Sterling's brain finally catches up and notices how close April is to her. She becomes hyperaware of the fact that she's been interacting with the memory of sixteen-year-old April Stevens behind an email alias, and her body is practically vibrating at this unexpected update. Her face looks like it's angled in maturity, making her jaw sharper than Sterling remembers last. Her green eyes don't lack any depth, but they seem calmer and less haywired. She shivers without being able to stop it or hide it, prompting April to notice that Sterling's just out in here in her one measly coat in sub-40 weather.

"Here," April opens up her blanket cocoon, "Scoot closer. It'll be warmer."

Sterling looks around at the few people scattered around and then back at April, "Um, won't people see?"

"Yeah, too bad. They'll have to get their own blanket." April says with a tinge of exasperation. "Come on. It's cold as fuck out here, Sterl. And I refuse to look like an asshole if you get hypothermia."

That lights something inside Sterling and she does as she's told. "Thanks," she murmurs, hoping she's not blushing or that April isn't close enough to notice.

"And to answer your earlier question..." April says carefully, "my cousin's already left so she can't see me with anybody and report back to my dad's side of the family."

Sterling nods, "You still see your dad's side of the family?"

Sterling feels April shrug next to her, "Only excuse I can use to come out here to see Hannah B."

"Necessary evils, am I right?"

April lets out a scoff, "That's an understatement. My cousin's the only one genuinely excited to see me when I'm here for a visit. It's not lost on anyone that I narc'd on him to the authorities or corroborated evidence from prostitutes he's abused."

"Bowser and Yolanda mentioned that. You did that at sixteen?" Sterling grins, emboldened, "You ever think about becoming a lawyer?"

April rolls her eyes, not without matching the blonde's grin. "Yeah, and it's made me the black sheep of the family." She shrugs and tilts her head, "I guess my best quality is that I'm gay."

Sterling remembers this April vividly, the one with unbridled confidence in herself that she seems unbreakable, like her cracks are filled with hardened liquid gold. Light shines through April anyway, Sterling remembers, like she can't keep her humor or her interests quite at bay. This is the April that Sterling wanted so bad to share with the world. She finds solace in the way that this April isn't gone completely amidst everything that happened, that life hasn't worn her down.

"Hey, you have wonderful qualities. Screw your family for thinking any different." Sterling says with gusto and earnestness that April blushes, deep and red almost like she's not even trying to hide it. She likes this April, too. Then Sterling chuckles, "And it's better than being the secret daughter of your mom's twin sister." Sterling downs the rest of her cider when she realizes what she's said, "Shit. I've never put it in those terms before."

April's mouth hangs open, searching for what to ask first, "The Wesleys aren't your parents?"

Sterling shakes her head, "I mean, they adopted me, so for all intents and purposes they are my parents. But, um, Debbie isn't my birth mother."

Sterling recalls the incident; how Dana found her, how Dana didn't hesitate to use her as collateral, how Blair and Bowser tracked her, how her whole world got turned upside down in a span of a few hours. "So, uh, guess your dad isn't the only parent I put in jail."

"That's fucking bullshit. I'm sorry that happened to you." She sighs, going over her own memories, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"You and Blair should compare notes." Sterling says with a chuckle. Then she studies April's face, "Did you know this many curse words in high school?"

"Of course, I did. I was angry inside." April says, her face hardening like she was retreating somewhere Sterling can't reach. "Always."

Sterling reaches up to cup the side of April's face. She looks so beautiful in firelight and Sterling tries to burn it into her memory. "I'm sorry you had to go through the rest of high school alone."

April leans into her touch and Sterling leans her head closer, ever closing the distance between them. Sterling swallows thickly, afraid if she moves to quickly she'll wake from a dream. She feels April's eyes on her. She braves a glance, suddenly finding herself lost in green speckles reflecting from the embers of the fire pit. "Well, I, for one, am glad you're here now."

April's eyebrows furrow and she nods, "Yeah, me too."

At this point, Sterling can't tell if the cold has gotten the better of her face or if her maxilla's gone numb just like it did when she was sixteen and crushing hard.

"I've forgotten how cute you are, Sterling Wesley." April says with a crooked smile and Sterling goes completely numb.

She wonders if there's a version of April she won't like.

Sterling chokes on air, only managing to whisper, "You should, uh, probably update m-my dossier."

April keeps leaning in closer, "Oh yeah?"

"You know, for science." Sterling bobs her head up and down and thinks she might go dizzy as April's perfume overtakes her senses.

Blair's voice interrupts them and they jump away from each other.

"Hey Sterl! If we don't leave in 2 minutes, Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!" In Blair's panicked state, she hardly registers that her sister is obviously not alone. "OH shit! Sorry!"

April clears her throat, the spell they're under completely broken and the cold air takes over their flushed cheeks. She whispers, "You should probably go."

Sterling looks at her helplessly, "But, I just--we just..."

Blair has to drag her away and Sterling has no choice but to let her. She spends the ride home wondering silently to herself if God will ever let her get closure with this girl, if he's not going to let them end up together.

*

Blair spends the days leading up to Christmas trying to make it up to Sterling, but Sterling stays in her room and only minimally acknowledges Blair's ideas to paint the town red or catch one of the many skips on Bowser's list of assignments.

She even shows Sterling all of her covert pictures of Bowser and Yolanda's first date they didn't know she followed them on. It lifts Sterling's mood momentarily. "I'm so glad they're finally giving it a chance. They're so cute together."

Sterling cries even more.

Blair enters her room with a plate of Oreos, "I really am sorry, Sterl."

"What if we're just not meant to be, Blair?" Sterling asks, tears staining her face from crying. "What if this is God's way of saying we were never meant to be? Every time I think we have a shot, she disappears, or, I dunno, I disappear."

"Maybe she's just a really talented magician." Blair tries to joke. "Hannah B said she went back home to Nashville for the rest of Christmas break, and she usually cuts off communication until she's back in Boston."

"Fuck!" Sterling practically shouts, with a mouthful of Oreos.

It's not her best or most flattering moment that even Blair feels compelled to say something.

"Dude, I know you're sad, but don't be gross." Blair hands her a napkin.

"Sorry."

There's a knock on the door and they call out a joint, "come in!"

Debbie pokes her head in and greets her daughters, "Hi girls. Everything okay? I thought I heard shouting?"

Blair spares a glance at her sister, who nods at her that it's okay. "Yeah, I'm about to head to bed. I'll leave you to it. Night, Mom. Night, Sterl."

"Goodnight, honey." Debbie says, watching Blair walk to her room. She studies her other daughter and leans against the door frame, unsure of how to approach this. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Sterling shrugs, hugging a pillow to her chest and unable to stop the tears from falling.

Debbie climbs into her bed and holds her until she stop sobbing. "What's this about? Did you and Blair fight again?"

"No, it's not Blair's fault." Sterling sniffles, feeling compelled to defend her sister who's been nothing but nice since the party, "She was in here trying to make me feel better."

Debbie eyes the plate of Oreos on the bedside table, knowing the girls use it as a comfort food, "Boy troubles?"

Sterling scoffs, "If only."

"School troubles?" Sterling shakes her head, and Debbie wipes her tears, "Well, then, what has you all torn up like this, sweetheart?"

Sterling pulls away from Debbie, sitting up and not making eye contact. "What if I said it was girl troubles?"

Debbie raises her eyebrows and exhales. She pulls Sterling back into her arms. "Well, I'm going to need more information, but I can hold you if you want to elaborate for me."

"For starters, Mom, I'm bi."

Debbie nods slowly, "Okay, I can work with that."

"You can?"

"For you, I will certainly try." Debbie says with an endeared chuckle, "And thank you for telling me."

"I've been wanting to tell you since I left for Virginia," Sterling cries, guilt and confession pouring out like a leaking faucet, "But, I didn't know how to bring it up. I'm sorry."

Debbie chooses her words carefully, "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me with this, but you're telling me now and I can't tell you how much that means to me." She sighs again, "Does your father know?"

Sterling nods.

"Oh, thank God. I didn't want to have to explain this to him."

"He took it well, honestly....even though I cornered him into it."

Debbie smiles, "I don't doubt that, honey. Your father and I love you and your sister so much. And sometimes we don't agree with Blair's politics or even you going off to Virginia--"

"Or my sexuality?"

"I never said I didn't agree. I'm processing as quick as I can on that front, I promise you that. I'm only pointing out that there are some things we didn't expect, but all we can do is support you and everything you and your sister are."

"Thanks, Mom." Sterling lets her mom hug her tighter. "Really."

"Of course. You still wanna talk about it?" Debbie corrects herself, "I mean, do you still wanna talk about her? This girl?"

Sterling nods and relays information that can't be tied back to April Stevens by omitting her name, her father's two skipped bails and jail time, and her moving to Nashville altogether. "And I just wonder if we'll ever get the chance we deserve, especially after all this time."

To Debbie's credit, she stays present and continues to rub soothing circles on Sterling's arm as she processes all the new information. She says calmly, "I can't say I know how things will work out with this girl of yours, but I know God loves you both regardless."

"He's the one with the plan, right?"

"Exactly," Debbie smiles and kisses her daughter on the forehead, "What I do know is that life has a way of surprising you and so does God."

*

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_Merry Christmas!_   
_Do you ever wonder what a Christmas Tree Farm looks like?_   
_-S_   
_PS: Coming out seems to get easier with practice. Further testing pending, but data thus far shows trajectory is positive._

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

_Merry Christmas to you. And I guess Happy New Year.  
I'd venture to say it's where every wish comes true, whatever that looks like. _   
_-A_   
_PS: That is certainly good news. But thankfully, with a finalized divorce comes freedom. So, there's less family to have to worry about in that regard. But, your research leaves me hopeful._

*

When Sterling gets back to Virginia, she meets Jeremy who's an engineering grad student with kind eyes and a gentle touch. They date until February of Sterling's senior year. She doesn't bring him home for Christmas and he doesn't offer to take her home to meet his family either. He accepts a Ph.D program at Stanford, but says he doesn't want to do long distance.

She misses the safety and ease that comes with dating a boy, but reconciles her heart wasn't really in it with Jeremy specifically to lose too many tears over a doomed relationship. She doesn't even facetime Blair this time. She then focuses on her own goals to get into a grad program somewhere that'll take her.

Around the same time Sterling gets accepted into a Psychology program at University of North Carolina, Blair acquires her Bail Enforcement certification.

True to her word, Debbie processes Sterling's coming out up until Sterling's spring break her senior year. Sterling finds socks in solid blue, pink, and purple stripes on the foot of her bed. On her dresser, she finds a wooden duck in the same bi color scheme. A rainbow flag and bi flag sticks out on either side of the duck where the wings are supposed to be.

Bowser and Yolanda take the girls out to a celebratory dinner. When Sterling announces she's pursuing a master's in Forensic Psychology, Sterling and Blair swear that Bowser almost sheds a tear.

And when Bowser and Yolanda announce that they're engaged, Blair and Sterling most certainly cry the happiest tears.

*

_Fr: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_   
_To: sterlwes@gmail.com_

_Greetings from New Haven... Hard to see myself not sending an email like this every milestone I hit. Is that weird?_   
_If I stop, will it be like when Taylor Swift stopped putting secret messages in her liner notes?_   
_-A_

_Fr: sterlwes@gmail.com_   
_To: aprilsfait@yahoo.com_

_Greetings from Chapel Hill! Wait, did you get into Law School at Yale?!_   
_Also, not weird. This is now expected. Well, Blair thinks so anyway. My poor heart is not ready for post-secret message era._   
_-S_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of liberties taken in this chapter as self-indulgence hits peak absurdity. 
> 
> Any of you Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason fans like myself, this one's for you.

Sterling stops hearing from April after their last email, and she wonders if she jinxed that for them too.

A month into her Master's program, she meets a woman also in her program named Jess who charms Sterling right off her feet. She's pretty, confident, and makes Sterling feel like she's constantly (desperately) needing to keep pace. It's a nice change of pace. She actually can't remember the last time her knees got this weak around any person she's dated in college.

Being in the same program, they bond over classes and curriculum and even end up TA'ing a class together. And at some point, Sterling gains whatever nerve she needs to ask her out for coffee in a non-platonic way.

Jess smiles at her and says yes without any hesitation in her demeanor. Sterling finds herself falling hard and fast, reveling in the ease of being with anyone at this point in her life.

Blair notes that Jess is super cool, but openly questions how much Sterling likes her vs. the idea of her. Sterling spends most of their relationship mulling that over, allowing the undercurrent of guilt to seep through enough that even Debbie and Anderson have their (silent) doubts.

They stay together through over half their program, just under three years, up until Jess proposes as a surprise and Sterling rejects outright.

Blair stays on facetime for hours trying to calm down a hysterical Sterling who wonders if she just made the biggest mistake of her life.

Jess finds a different mentor, and Sterling makes it to the end barely holding it together.

*

After graduation, she moves back to Atlanta and starts looking for an apartment with Blair. They find a small 2-bedroom in the same apartment building Bowser used to rent from. He pulls some strings to get them a decent unit with a rent cut.

Debbie and Anderson help them move in. While Debbie fusses over potential decor with Sterling, Anderson makes sure to inspect the windows and front door for defects. The girls wave them off with a promise to see them at church bright and early on Sunday.

"Hey! Welcome back, stranger!" Luke announces when he arrives at the restaurant.

"Oh, Luke," Sterling goes in for a hug and squeezes tight, "it's so good to see you."

"And this is Cathy, my fiancee."

Sterling shakes the woman's hand, "Hi. Nice to meet you. Luke's talked a lot about you."

"You as well." Cathy smiles as they're all being seated, "I can't believe I'm meeting Sterling Wesley herself."

Sterling sees pretty quickly what Luke sees in Cathy, sees the way she loves him generously and receives the way he loves her in over-abundance. She doesn't get jealous like she maybe had expected herself to after many failed relationships in recent years. She instead feels an overwhelming sense of affection for the boy who loved her once upon a time in the only way he knew how, happy that he's finally found someone who can level with him.

Cathy is smart, witty, and patient. She fawns over Sterling in the same way that Luke does, and Sterling can't help but like her almost immediately when it feels genuine.

They spend a small portion of dinner reminiscing about Willingham, and Sterling steers clear of any speak of April Stevens. Luke recounts college stories from UGA and Sterling supplies some of her own from both UVA and UNC. Sterling listens as Cathy gushes about the way Luke proposed on a lake house retreat in Upstate New York in front of her family.

When dessert comes around, Cathy mentions they're going on a trip to the Bahamas just to get away for a week. She invites Sterling to join them.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly." Sterling stutters out her initial rejection, "I wouldn't want to impose."

Luke lights up at the idea as much as Cathy does. "Yeah, hey, bring your sister along. I haven't seen her in a while."

Sterling softens at the mention of Blair, who tolerated him and Sterling for six long years. "We'll have to check our schedule, but we'll let you know, okay?"

*

Not really having an aim after finishing grad school, she decides to take Blair's offer to join the team again. "It'll be like old times."

Sterling gets her Bail Enforcement certification so she can still help out on bounty hunting, not that Bowser gives her much of a choice. Blair helps her with studying for the test, and she passes with flying colors.

"To be honest, I kinda missed this." Sterling says one day on a stakeout, looking for a flight attendant who skipped bail for dealing amphetamines. They wait at the airport parking garage in Bowser's old Jeep, keeping an eye out for their skip.

"I'm just glad I don't have to listen to all of your sister's musings all the damn time." Bowser grumbles, looking through binoculars. "At least, now you two can entertain each other."

"Aw, I missed you too, Bowsey." Sterling says, reaching around the driver's seat head rest to pat him on his cheeks from the back seat.

He moves her hands away, "Hey, now. Don't make me regret letting you two work together."

Blair fake pouts, "You wouldn't separate us. You promised Yolanda."

"I said don't make me regret this. I made no such threats." He sighs and drops his head into his hand. "God, what did I get myself into?"

After a couple of hours waiting, Sterling taps Blair's shoulder and leans her chin against Blair's seat. "Do you think I should go to Bahamas with Luke and his fiancee?"

Blair shrugs, "Why not, right? You said they were cool."

"What if they were, like, just saying that to appear nice but they don't actually want me to be there?"

"Have you met Luke?" Blair gives her a pointed look, "He doesn't have a disingenuous bone in his body. He's not built for that."

"Well, I haven't really taken a vacation, like, ever. " Sterling considers it and can't settle on a reason not to accept, "Besides, it'll only be a week."

"Oh, come on! You can't just leave me alone with Bowser for a week! I'll dehydrate!" Blair cries out dramatically, mostly to get a rise out of the man in the driver's seat.

Sterling giggles and puts on her best Bowser impression, "How many times do I have to tell you? No liquids! Self-hydrate!"

Blair joins in, much to Bowser's annoyance. "How was I supposed to know smoothies have liquids?"

"That was one time!" Bowser objects, glaring at the two and shutting them up immediately. "You both know know I'm right about the inconveniences of bathrooms during a stakeout."

"Would you come with me, then? They invited you too." Sterling nudges Blair and throws her puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, alright." Blair pats her sister's cheek. "I've always wanted to sail where the pirates did."

"Pirates still exist, Blair."

"Yeah, and I can appreciate the existence of other religions." Blair reasons, "I refuse to be intolerant in someone else's domain. God wouldn't want that." Blair claps her hands together. "Yeah, I'm in." Then turns to Bowser, "But first, we gotta clear it with Boss man here."

Bowser rolls his eyes, but something catches his eye at one of the staircase doors. "Okay, girls, tell you what. If you catch this skip, I'll give you two weeks off." He nods at someone across the parking garage level. "There's our guy."

"Person, Bowser." Blair points out.

Sterling nods, backing up her sister, "Yeah, you don't know how they identify."

Bowser shuts his eyes, "Just catch the skip!"

They spring into action, hopping out of the car, and sprint after the unsuspecting skip who's entirely too tired to outrun two bounty hunters.

Blair still body checks them with no trouble, and Sterling puts them in cuffs.

Sterling looks up at her sister, "Have you been working out?"

Blair practically preens, "Yeah, crossfit. I joined a gym membership."

"Oh, I love that for you."

"I know, right? Makes all the chasing easier, I've learned."

"Well done, girls." Bowser says, helping the skip off the ground. "You've earned yourself two weeks off."

"Thanks, Bowser. Oh and it's okay to admit you'll miss us. We'll bring you back a souvenir, we promise." Sterling reassures him before high-fiving her sister.

"I am getting way too old for this."

*

"You know, I always wanted to do, like, a super secret spy mission that would take me all around the world with like my partner and like save the world and bang them in Thailand or something."

"I suddenly don't want to go with you anymore." Sterling looks around the plane, "Is it too late to get off?"

Blair ignores her dramatics, "It's okay. It's just another lost youthful fantasy."

"I still think we need to re-establish our boundaries." Sterling says, pulling her book out to read.

"You love me, though."

"Yeah, I do."

They meet a charismatic guy named Danny, who agrees to switch spots with the man wanting to sit with his wife and daughter sitting next to Blair's seat. Sterling spends the flight reading, only occasionally tuning in and out of Blair and Danny's conversations.

Danny, also an Atlanta-native, offers to show them around some hotspots and hole-in-the-wall establishments if they're free, claiming the Bahamas to be one of his favorite places to visit. Luke and Cathy agree when he suggests a few zipline spots.

Sterling notices very quickly that she's fifth-wheeling, but takes the opportunity to walk along the beaches by herself anyway. She lets herself take it all in, clear beaches and endless sky. When they go island-hopping, Blair and Sterling claim that the one with all the stray dogs has the best energy.

When they get back to their airbnb in Nassau on their last night, Danny drags them to a bar with a karaoke set up. "Come on! Last hurrah!"

Danny and Luke team up for a One Direction hit that makes all the ladies in the bar swoon. Cathy convinces Luke to do _Shallow_ from _A Star is Born_ with her, and Blair cries at how cute they are.

Sterling and Blair slowly but steadily get plastered as the others take turns on stage. With a bit of cajoling, they proceed to do a drunken rendition of LeAnn Rimes and Trisha Yearwood's _How Do I Live_. Blair handles the key change in the third chorus effortlessly as she tries to hold up her drunk sister. Sterling valiantly adds backup for the rest of the song. Luke drunkenly weeps when they reach the outro as he clings to a swaying Cathy. Danny lifts his old-fashioned, amused and impressed.

"Hey Blair!" Luke hollers at the brunette on their way back to the airbnb, "Do the thing!"

Cathy catches up to Blair and asks, "can you teach me how to do that?"

Luke stumbles, and Sterling comes to his rescue, holding him up by the waist. "Sterl, your sister is so talented."

"You mean when I go," Blair hiccups and then raises a hand to her ear, "How do I _breathe_ without you?"

"Yeah, that."

Blair grins, "the hand helps so much."

Danny makes sure they're all in their rental safe before he takes off for his own hotel, wishing everyone good night and goodbye.

*

They're all hungover the next morning, dreary eyed and slow.

Blair hands Sterling a sizable figurine of a turtle. "I mentioned Bowser reminded me of a turtle, and Danny handed me this thing."

"I mean, I guess it's cute. I'm sure he would will like it, on top of all the other things we got for him." Sterling shrugs but sets in on the bed next to her unpacked duffel. "Maybe we can give it to him and Yolanda as a wedding gift. Turtles are meant to signify longevity right? Like, they get really old and stuff."

"I'm sure they would appreciate it either way." Blair concedes. "You think we should've gotten a turtle for Luke and Cathy? They're actually really cute together. I don't remember all of last night but I think I wept actual tears over them singing _Shallow_."

Sterling narrows her eyes at her sister, not wanting to let her change the subject so quickly, "So, this guy's giving you gifts right before the end of this trip. Are you gonna hit him up in Atlanta after he gets back?"

"Probably not." Blair says matter-of-factly.

"Then why do I need to stuff Crush here into my luggage?"

"Because it's rude to rescind a gift in front of the gift-giver."

"Damn all those bamboo infusers," Sterling curses their upbringing, and then shoves the turtle into her duffel. "Wait, so what's wrong with this guy if you don't want to keep seeing him?"

"He's definitely fun, but I guess I'm not really looking for fun." Blair doesn't choose to elaborate.

But, Sterling knows she's hit a nerve, "And you're instead looking for?"

"I wish I could tell you. My luck in partners have been as bad as yours."

"Hey! Not wrong, but stop deflecting!"

"I'm not! I guess the right one hasn't come along yet." Blair tilts her head, "or I dunno, maybe like you and April, the timing's complete shit."

"Are you talking about Hannah B?" Sterling prods gently, "You guys stopped hanging out, huh?"

Out of Sterling's respect for boundaries, she doesn't ask too many questions about what happened. She just notices the drop in mentions of Hannah B to almost none at all in a span of a few weeks during grad school and can't help but extrapolate. She promised to let Blair come to her if needed, if it ever got serious. And Sterling's been left in the dark ever since.

"I think I'm cursed as long as I want to be a bounty hunter." Blair admits, "So it's easy to have vacation flings or one night stands or flirty almost relationships, but I love my job too much, ya know?"

"Look at the badass career-driven woman you've grown into!" Sterling gushes pulling her sister into a hug. "You'll find someone, and you'll find balance. God's got a plan, remember?"

"Stop sounding like Mom all the time. It's such a mood killer."

"You're just mad I brought up Hannah B."

Blair lowers her voice, "Hey, I never tease you about your epic love story with April. It's practically the Odyssey in and of itself."

Sterling deadpans, "You literally just brought it up. And you bring it up at least once a week." She crosses her arms in a huff, "it's not a love story if we never acted on it."

"I'm simply trying to be supportive. And it's not my fault you never act on it. I'm being persistent." She sticks her tongue out at her sister, "You're just being mean."

Cathy pops her head in, whispering emphatically to be mindful of any hangover sensitivities, "Hey girls, cab's here. If we hurry, we won't be too late for our flight."

*

They make it to the airport with just enough time to make it through security and board on time. The four of them take a collective sigh of relief to hear that the previous flight is still de-planing.

What happens next all comes in a blur. Sterling sets her bag down to tie her shoe and an airport working dog sits next to her. She's surrounded by security in a few seconds and she raises her hands in surrender.

"Sterling?" Blair calls out to her in a panic, activating their twin connection:

_"Sterling! What's happening?"_

_"I don't know!"_

_"What do we do?"_

_"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. I can hop on the next flight. No big deal."_

_"And what if it's not?"_

_"Look if you don't hear from me by the time you get back to Atlanta, call Bowser."_

_"Sterl, this really doesn't look good."_

_"I know. But, you and I both know I don't have anything on me. I'll just explain myself and they'll let me go."_

_"I'm calling Bowser like now."_

_"I'll see you soon, okay?"_

_"You better. I refuse to live the rest of my twenties with my sister in airport jail!"_

Sterling is led to what looks like an interrogation room, a room with a table and bright lights, where customs agents raid her duffel. They eventually pull out the turtle Danny gave Blair and they ask her if it's hers.

"That was from a friend we met on this trip."

Much to Sterling's shock and dismay, they crack it open on the table only to find rolled up cigars inside.

"Oh," Sterling makes a face, "those aren't mine. Like, I don't even smoke. It's really bad for you."

They give her a chair and she's handcuffed to the table, so she doesn't try to escape. She's never been in this much trouble in the eyes of the law, despite all her bounty hunting background. And now she's landed herself in quasi-jail in an airport in a different country. She stares at herself in what she assumes to be a two way mirror and goes over every scenario this could possibly pan out: From Debbie and Anderson disowning her to Blair condemning her to getting stripped of her degrees from UVA and UNC to just ending up in a cardboard box under an overpass.

The rest of the day goes by and agents only come in when they need to transport her to an actual cell with bars. She assumes with the time that's passed, it's probably night time. She lays back on the hard and dingy bunk, staring up at the ceiling sending up a prayer to God to apologize and ask for guidance:

"It's me again. I know I haven't made the smartest decisions in the most recent timeline, but please grant me and the people I love strength to get through this." 

When morning comes, they take her back to the room she was in the day before. She's tired and expects to be hauled off to real jail for smuggling death sticks. But the room isn't empty.

There's a briefcase on one of the two chairs at the table. There's also a woman standing near the other entrance in a navy power suit, fancy dress shoes, and a perfect high ponytail. When the agents leave, she finally turns around and looks at Sterling directly.

Sterling wonders if she's reached a point of madness where she's just imagining the girl who's been lingering in her mind for ten years to appear like her knight in shining armor. She almost wants to ask God if he sent her a hallucination or April Stevens in the flesh, but thinks better than to question His will at the moment. Mouth dry, she croaks out, "April?!"

"Hello, Sterling." April sticks her hands in the pockets of her slacks before studying her for a moment. "You alright?"

Sterling is now painfully aware of how disheveled she must look. "Yeah, all things considered." She blinks away tears and nods, "I, uh, am having a hard time believing you're here or that you've come all this way."

Sterling swears that imagines that April softens for a second before her guard goes up, but there's no way she would be able to say for sure.

April remains stoic, careful, and poised. "I haven't. I'm on the island for unrelated business with my firm when I heard about your case. I figured it was the Christian thing to do to see what I could do to help."

Sterling can't pinpoint the disappointment, but it's there in the pit of her stomach. She feels the sudden compulsion to defend herself before April Stevens. "I haven't done anything wrong. As I told Blair and these customs agents, this is just a simple misunderstanding."

"I'm sure things will work itself out. I have some paperwork we need to sort through." April says pulling out a neat folder from her briefcase.

Before Sterling can stop herself, she starts rambling, "I'm so sorry about the last time we saw each other and like never having the guts to talk about it or figure out a better way to contact you."

April clears her throat and refuses to make eye contact, "I need you to identify someone for me." Sterling nods eagerly as April holds up a picture of a guy with blonde shaggy hair and brown eyes that looks a lot like Danny, "Is this the man you were seen at a karaoke bar with before you spent the night in Luke Creswell's rental?"

"Well, yeah that's him." Sterling knows a pointed question when she sees one and goes on the defensive again, "But, you should know that Luke and I weren't alone. Blair and Cathy were there too. We all shared that airbnb. And I didn't--"

April interrupts, doesn't waver from the point of the questions, "Is this the same man who gave you the turtle filled with a thousand dollars worth of Cuban cigars?"

"Yes, that's Danny. But it was Danny's cigars not mine or Blair's. Like, smoking can _kill_ you." Sterling's voice starts to crack, "A-and as far as Luke--"

"--Your love life is none of my concern." April shuts her folder with a bit of finality to her movements. She explains, "The authorities have been incredibly lenient as to drop all the charges against you and release you no later than this evening. You'll board the red eye out to Atlanta, and your sister will be there to pick you up in the morning."

Sterling takes a sigh of relief, watching as April packs up her briefcase. Her green eyes are cold and Sterling wonders if this is just how the new April is. "Bye, Sterling."

She grabs her briefcase and heads toward the exit. They start unlocking it, but Sterling stops her before she can disappear forever. "April..."

April pauses and turns slightly toward her.

Tears brimming her eyes, Sterling says the only thing that makes sense right now, "Thank you."

April nods her head in acknowledgement, "Like I said, I'm just the messenger. The order came from my firm." With a small exhale, she quickly makes her way out.

Sterling can't remember the last time she's seen this April, the one that doesn't want anything to do with her. But now she has to live with this as their last memory.

 _April Stevens definitely doesn't love me_ echoes around in her head the moment the door shuts until the moment she lands safely back in Georgia.

*

"Sterl! You okay? I'm so sorry!"

Sterling runs full force into her sister. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can we go home?"

"On it, babe." Blair takes one long look at her and declares, "We are never taking weird shit from strangers ever again."

"Damn right."

Blair drives her back to their apartment, and she sleeps for a whole day. She wakes and showers immediately to wash off 48 hours of quasi-jail time and 12 hours of exhaustion nap. When she emerges, Bowser and Yolanda are waiting in the living room with a box of Oreos.

"Hi, guys." Sterling hugs them and sits on the ground to dig into her favorite cookies. "Thanks for these."

"No problem, kid." Bowser says, patting her on the shoulder a few times, "You okay?"

Sterling nods. "Please never let me take time off again. That was the worst."

Yolanda chuckles, "I don't think the time off was the problem there. But, we're glad to see you back home safe."

"We've already twin swore not to take random gifts from strangers we meet on holiday." Blair says, launching herself haphazardly onto an armchair. "Which, again, I'm so sorry Sterl. I thought it was gonna be harmless."

"It's okay, can we just make sure Mom and Dad never find out?"

Everyone nods in agreement, and Sterling enjoys an Oreo.

"Lucky your friend April is one of the best human rights lawyers in the country. I'm not sure we would've gotten anywhere without her." Bowser says as he helps himself to a cookie.

"Right? I never thought I'd say this," Blair, now upside down on the armchair she claimed, grins at her sister, "but thank God for April Stevens."

Sterling looks at her like she's grown another head, "That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? For a top human rights lawyer, she didn't even care to handle my case and left it to some rando in her firm."

Blair's eyebrows furrow together before she slowly looks back at Bowser and Yolanda. "Sister say what?"

"That's what April said! That she was just the messenger." Sterling almost pouts, "Straight from the horse's mouth."

"Nothing about that girl is straight." Blair mumbles and Sterling glares at her.

Yolanda shakes her head at their antics and nudges Bowser.

"What Blair is trying to say," Bowser interrupts, looking at them both, "is that the horse might've been lying."

"Bowser!" Blair chastises the man, swatting at his arm, "You can't just call women horses."

"What? I'm just using her analogy!" Bowser tries to defend himself only to be met with crossed arms from both Blair and Yolanda, "Oh alright, alright. No more horse analogies."

"Guys, can we get back to April, please?" Sterling asks, confused and slightly irritated. "What do you mean she's lying?"

Blair flips herself over so that she's finally upright on the arm chair, he elbows resting on her knees as she explains everything without stopping: "So, the moment they dragged you away, I call Bowser and tell him what's up. So, he calls April, who pulls every contact in her network for next steps. Side note: did you know she's well connected to like ACLU and shit? Anyway, she asks us for details and tells Bowser that if Danny hears that Sterling got stopped at customs, he'll know it's safe to return to Atlanta not knowing that April's already got a warrant out for his arrest. Because plot twist, he's wanted for a load of crimes in Atlanta, but also in other states. So, I land and do a stakeout with Bowsey, where we get him and book him. April's already on her way to personally make sure they don't throw you in actual jail after you identify him."

"Seriously?" Sterling can hardly believe what she heard, "She really did come all that way?" 

Blair has an almost dreamy look in her eye, "If you don't marry her, I will."

Sterling rolls her eyes and throws a decorative pillow at her sister.

"Girls, come on. That's not necessary." Yolanda says, silently asking for Blair to hand her the pillow instead of launching it back at her sister.

"That still doesn't make sense," Sterling thinks out loud. "She seemed so cold and upset with me at the airport. If she was there to bail me out, why didn't she just say so?"

"Beats me. You think it had anything to do Luke? It did seem like we went on vacation with him." Blair shrugs and narrows her eyes at Bowser, "How is it you were able to get a hold of her so quickly, Bowsey?"

Bowser shrugs, "She was a good resource after John Stevens, even before she passed her bar exam. Sometimes we just chat. She has wonderful taste in movies."

Yolanda nods in agreement, "Far better taste in movies than Bowser here."

"You kept in touch with her for that long and you didn't bother to tell us?! It's like you have a whole second family!" Blair accuses Bowser, wagging a finger at him, as Yolanda takes her into her arms and pats her on the head to calm her down. "It's just like when we found out our parents lied to us."

Sterling lets out a huff and rolls her eyes, "It's really not the same, Blair."

Before it can escalate, Yolanda tells them to settle down. She also adds, "In my time as a bondswoman, I've learned that it doesn't hurt to have contacts in high places. And that April Stevens is very familiar with her law books."

Something occurs to Blair and she asks, "Wait, if you were able to get a hold of her so quickly, is she local?"

Yolanda nods, "She apparently just moved back a couple months ago. She's working at a firm downtown."

The girls's eyes meet and they both jump up. Sterling exclaims "I gotta go!" at the same time Blair demands "You gotta go!"

*

Sterling's heart is racing in her throat as she runs around the second floor of a fancy, old-timey law office in the middle of downtown Atlanta. The directions that the receptionist gives her doesn't register in her brain, so she just checks all the doors. She barges into three offices that are thankfully all empty until she finds a sign that reads "Meeting Here".

Without a second thought, she stumbles through the door. The room goes quiet and Sterling's eyes widen when she realizes she's interrupted a meeting. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Sterling?" It's a small voice, but she recognizes it right away.

Sterling searches her out and she finds April Stevens standing at the head of the conference table in a slim-fitting power suit. There's sweat on her brow and she's wearing a small tie loosely hanging off her neck. Her tie is undone just enough for Sterling to make out a silver cross necklace where it's always been.

"Um, hi. I can see that I'm interrupting, so I can wait out in the hall when you have a second--"

"Oh, no, dear. We could use a bit of a breather. What can we help you with?" One of the older men huddled around the table addresses her.

April clears her throat, "Everyone, this is Sterling Wesley." Sterling is shocked to see that April is smiling at her, "And Sterling, this is some of the firm's associates from the ACLU."

"A friend of yours, April?"

April only nods, but her eyes don't leave Sterling for a second.

"I, um, am only here to, um, commend April Stevens on a fantastic job of getting me out of a bit of a misunderstanding at customs in Nassau. I was out in less than 48 hours." Sterling smiles brightly at April who looks a little too flushed to not be blushing. "Y'all are very lucky to have her on your team."

"Don't we know it!" This time a man in a purple tie speaks up. "She's one of our best junior associates and we're not surprised she sorted out your case in a jiffy. Practically child's play."

Sterling's mouth kind of hangs open as everyone claps for her. But April keeps her eyes trained on Sterling still. She's never really seen a version of April that doesn't bask in praise. April, being very quick to where this confession is going, quickly diverts any unneeded attention. "If you all would excuse me for a moment, I need to speak with Sterling in private."

"It was very nice to meet y'all. Your building is exquisite-oh."

April grabs her arm and all but yanks her out of the room.

"Sterling, what are you doing here?" Her face is etched with concern, eyes searching Sterling's face for any sign of harm or potential mania.

"I just..." Sterling feels her heart in her throat again and feels as like she could burst if April keeps looking at her like this. Like she cares. "I love you, April Stevens."

Sterling can practically see the relief washing over April's face, waves of emotions coming and going as April processes that very important piece of information.

"I always have, and, with my track record, I probably always will."

April tries to fight a crooked smile, but fails miserably. Endearment grows the longer Sterling's drawn out confession sits and fills the space between them.

"I'm not asking for a lot this time around. I promise. I just want to hold your hand sometimes and maybe even kiss you if you'd let me. But I waited over ten years and tried literally every other option in the proverbial book to find any other outcome only to find myself here telling you I love you. Always have. Always will."

April clears her throat, her smile not quite dampening. "My meeting is going to last another half hour. I'll try to wrap up quickly, but will you wait for me?"

"Until the end of time."

With an exasperated smile, she looks up at Sterling's smitten expression before looking back at the door they just came from. "Just thirty minutes." She takes her hand instead of her arm this time, "Here, you can wait in my office."

*

They go to dinner at a pizza restaurant around the corner from April's office and they have a real proper date, one where they're not hiding from anyone.

"See? Just two girls sharing a pizza on a night out on the town." Sterling teases the girl across from her. "An actual date."

"Not a wooden ball in sight." April laments sarcastically.

Sterling shrugs, "Hey, I quite liked our first date."

"You counted that as a date?" April lifts an eyebrow and looks as Sterling sputters out a response.

"Well, I asked you to hang out and you said yes." Sterling looks down and murmurs, "I honestly thought you were going to stand me up. It's hard to read you sometimes and I always feel like I'm gonna say the wrong thing to send you running for the hills."

Reaching over the table to hold Sterling's hand, April tries to get Sterling's attention, "I-I'm sorry about Nassau...and all the times before where I ever made you feel that way. I'm afraid haven't been that brave."

Sterling rubs a thumb over the back of April's hand, "You are one of the bravest people I've ever known." April gasps at the admission, but Sterling doesn't back down. "I mean it. And, hey, it's not like you gave me a contraband turtle."

April rolls her eyes, "No, I mean it, Sterl. I'm sorry if I acted...distant."

"Blair explained everything. I'm sorry we had you believing Luke and I were somehow back together." Sterling sighs, "Unfortunately for you, he's madly in love with his fiancee and she, him. It'd also be a damn shame for me to ever want to tear them apart."

"So, what does that mean for you then?"

Sterling scrunches her nose, "That, if you play your cards right, you could be stuck with me instead."

"And if I don't?" April takes a sip of her soda.

"Then Blair might want to marry you. And I honestly don't know if I could stop her at this point. Like, this might really be the tear in our sisterhood."

April breaks out into a laugh, full and light as Sterling continues to explain her sister.

"The shotgun thing put you on the radar, but you being a lawyer really sealed the deal." Sterling grins teasingly, basking in seeing April in this light.

April looks around the near-empty restaurant and then back at Sterling. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Sterling nods and lets April take her by the hand. She doesn't really know where April's taking her, but she's pretty sure she'd follow this girl to the ends of the earth.

They reach a street corner lit up by a streetlight and April tugs Sterling closer to her. She whispers, "Can I kiss you?"

"Thought you'd never--" April surges up to crash their lips together and Sterling feels electricity all over. They pull apart and Sterling's brain is still catching up, "--ask."

Sterling grins at her and kisses April like she's making up for lost time under the Georgia night stars.

April pulls apart first this time, "And if I asked you up to my apartment?"

"Lead the way." Sterling says breathlessly and she feels like she's floating on air and she doesn't really register where she is until she's at April's front door.

"You have a dog?!" Sterling exclaims as a beautiful golden retriever with a well-groomed coat comes to greet them at the door. The dog doesn't bark or jump, just stands close and wags its tail.

"Hi Lucy girl." April coos at her dog as she toes off her dress shoes. She gives her a quick scratch behind the ear before moving out of the way. "Go say hi to Sterling."

"Hi there, pretty girl." All Lucy can do is wiggle in circles around Sterling. "Oh, you're so precious. Lucy, isn't it?" April smiles softly at Sterling Wesley playing with her dog. Sterling pauses and tilts her head, "Like, Lucy Pevensie?"

April shrugs, but meets Sterling's gaze, "What can I say? Narnia remained a favorite."

Sterling sits on April's hardwood floor and opens her arms for Lucy to practically bullrush into her. Sterling jokes as she lets Lucy practically sit in her lap, "You know, I always thought you'd end up with a cat."

"Well, Mr. Tumnus should be around here somewhere." April takes a quick look around her apartment, allowing Sterling to take note of the cat tower in the corner of the living room and cat cradle against the window. "If you don't see him right away, don't take it personally. He's skittish around strangers."

Sterling files that away. She's not the first guest that April's brought to her modest 1-bedroom apartment in Downtown Atlanta. Not that she expected to be the first. Sterling smirks at the shorter woman, "Takes after his owner then. Super chill and laid back."

April flashes a surprised but amused smirk in response, "When he chooses to be."

"Mrow!" A grey-coated velvet cat with bright green eyes hops onto the kitchen counter, licking his paw momentarily.

Sterling's head turns at the same time Lucy's ears perk up.

"Well, look who it is." April says softly, offering her hand to her cat, who sniffs it and hops up on her shoulder. "And you're in a good mood." He headbutts the side of her face, making her laugh.

Sterling snaps a picture with her phone and sends it to Blair. Then she quietly gets off the floor, careful not to startle Mr. Tumnus.

He hops back onto the counter to watch Sterling. She holds out her hand, and is surprised when he lets her pet him at varying intensities. He meows and sashays to his cradle on the window. Sterling chuckles, "Nice to meet you, too."

"Congratulations, you're the first stranger who's impressed my cat like that."

Sterling grins, "well, I aim to please."

April matches her grin, responding in kind, "Noted."

April pulls her to the couch where they make out a bit and talk about far lighter subjects than their tragically intertwined past. Lucy and Mr. Tumnus even try to take over Sterling's lap and April doesn't even hide her pout.

"Oh, shoot." Sterling laments, "I gotta go. Blair's on her way and wants an update. She's also requesting playdates with Lucy."

"Only if they're supervised." April deadpans, "I'm not sure which one of them I'd be more worried about."

"Wow, yeah, good point."

April stops her before she reaches the door, catching her by the hand. Sterling gives her a concerned look and before she can ask, April confesses, "I know you said you waited over ten years, but I feel like I've waited my whole life." She almost looks unsure, but Sterling waits (would probably wait a million lifetimes over). "I love you, too, Sterling Wesley."

Sterling feels her heart swell and maxilla go numb when April presses a kiss to her cheek. And for the first time since they were sixteen, she feels like they have a fighting chance.

*

Sterling brings April home the following Christmas, and it's almost exactly like she imagined when she was younger.

April rings the doorbell and waits nervously at her doorstep. Sterling looks around before pulling her girlfriend in for a kiss in the foyer after shutting the door.

"Ahem!"

They jump apart and April almost drops the wine bottles she brought for dinner. Sterling glares at the source of the interruption. "Blair!"

"Merry Christmas to my favorite person!" Blair announces as she races down the stairs to collide into a terrified April Stevens. Blair hugs her and spins her around like she weighs nothing. Sterling grabs the wine bottles from her girlfriend, laughing as April shrieks.

When her feet are firmly on the ground, April presses down her dress and fixes Blair with a fond, yet irritated smile, "Merry Christmas to you too, Blair."

"Is that April?" Debbie calls out from the kitchen. She pokes her head around corner, "Hi, honey. Come on in." She chastises her children, "Y'all know better than to keep a guest waiting in the foyer."

"Yes, ma'am." The Wesley girls say in unison and lead April to the kitchen.

April helps with dinner, showing Debbie the proper ratios for biscuits and Yorkshire pudding. She writes it down on a stationary and Debbie is elated that someone other than her family is capable in the kitchen.

Sterling sits at the kitchen island, chin resting against her hand, not quite being able to keep her eyes of April. She's not subtle, so April often offers her a smug, crooked smile that makes her melt more on the inside.

"Marry her already, I'm begging." Blair whispers when April's back is turned. Sterling almost chokes on her eggnog.

Sterling whispers in kind, "When you officially bring home Hannah B as your girlfriend, we'll talk."

"Don't think I won't." Blair fires back.

"Girls, quit fighting and help your father set the table, please." Debbie delegates, shooing them away from the kitchen.

After dinner, April helps Sterling and Blair with cleaning up dishes. Sterling and April steal glances when Blair tries to rearrange the bottom rack.

"I can feel you two making heart eyes at each other. Please stop." Blair whispers without even looking at them. And they contain themselves until the dishes are done.

When Anderson pulls April into the workshop, Sterling starts to get nervous. "What's that about?"

Blair shrugs, "Dunno. Does Dad even know how to do the shovel talk?"

"He's more of a 'kill them kindness' kinda guy, isn't he?" Sterling wonders out loud, unable to tear her eyes away from the garage door.

Eventually April emerges with Anderson in tow. They both look like they've been crying, but April holds up one of Anderson's wooden ducks in her hand. This one striped with various shades of pinks, whites, and orange. It reminds Sterling of the one she found in her bedroom years ago.

Anderson winks at Sterling, who smiles tearfully back. 

They sneak away to Sterling's childhood bedroom, and Sterling pulls April in for a much needed hug. "You alright?"

April nods into her neck, "Your parents should come with a warning bell and a box of Kleenex."

Sterling chuckles and kisses her forehead, "They're overwhelming sometimes. Blair, too, actually. But, they just wanna show you they love you."

April takes a deep breath while Sterling rubs circles on her back. They do some breathing techniques and Sterling whispers reassurances in April's ear until her breathing stabilizes. 

The shorter woman kisses her girlfriend, soft and tender, murmuring "thanks". 

"You ready to go back downstairs? Blair's been reading everything in the house to learn new words to beat you in Scrabble."

That makes April laugh and she lets Sterling lead her down to the parlor, where Blair has the board set up.

Debbie and Anderson retire early for the night after Blair loses the first game. Blair and April have at least three rematches before they all pass out in various parts of the parlor.

Sterling wakes the next morning and registers that they were all too tired to make it up the stairs. She spies Blair sleeping on the other couch, snoring lightly. April remains sleeping, curled up to Sterling's side with a blanket draped over them both.

With a content sigh, Sterling sends up a silent prayer thanking God for her blessings. 

How Sterling ever thought she was meant to forget April Stevens seems foolish now, but she'll spend the rest of her life making it up to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it all the way to the end? Thank you for reading :) 
> 
> But also, here: [have the accompanying playlist that has wreaked havoc on my poor Spotify history for the past 3 days](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7JgUlieNlHAaN7P2xDk12G?si=HjY9d1q3TYaHkRG6_Co8vg)


End file.
